I am touched!

(Click on the picture for a larger view and to figure out who S is!! :D)

When you are in the middle of some mundane things, thoughtful surprises bring such a joy into your life.Today was such a day and I MUST write this down to remind myself of how much love and blessings I receive.

S has always been very angry with me for not changing my mobile which is a pretty basic one. I prefer it that way, it is just something that I use to make calls and receive calls. I don't like to spend too much money on a fancy expensive one, simply coz its not among my priorities. I admit that I do like certain ringtones and some cute stuff you can have if you have a good handset, but I can do without it. I am not a gadget freak or anything. PERIOD. Recently, my existing basic phone had some display problems and I have been using it with a big blob on the screen as if a kid scratched it with a big crayon.

Today I had some work to do and had gone out with my friend. S dropped me half way and we discussed that he would buy Ganesha and some pooja stuff as its Ganesh Chathurthi. He also said that he would check on my phone about the display problem as it is still under warranty. ( by the way, I didnt expect half these things to be done....)

I finished my work and come home to see that our friendly God adorns our pooja with some modaks and S looks like the cat who got the cream. He gives me a W300i phone,its a walkman phone with a camera and all that jazz. More than the fancy phone, what was most thoughtful was that by the time I got back, he had copied some music that I love from a CD that is scratched and does not play properly, patiently loaded it on to the laptop at home, and selected the ones I love and had loaded it on to the brand new phone and gave it to me. There is this violin music that plays on his phone but would not play on my erstwhile phone as it does not have capabilities. Even that ringtone is now mine and he is more excited about my new phone than I am!!! :)

Also, I love this song called "Soni de nakh de...from Partner" and go crazy when the song comes on T.V or when its played in the car. He had loaded that song for me first! Now, I can even listen to music on my phone and it is a fancy flip phone.

I am amazed at how he notices these little details and takes my breath away with such cute gestures. I was overwhelmed and I felt so good for all the trouble he went to, for me. He could have simply lazed around, watched T.V. or done anything he wanted to, at home as its a holiday.

My darling S, what would I do without you??

Is MY happiness OTHER's state of mind?

Why do we all (especially yours truly!) see happiness confined to a few milestones? good job, get married, buy a house, have kids, have another kid, save-enough-to-have-an-independent-life, children well settled, etc. etc...well, I am sure everyone would say 'well, that is the natural course that life takes for everyone!!'. My point is why can't it be different? Why am I answerable or questioned about each milestone at every point of time? Does it matter at all to anybody what really makes me happy? Most importantly, Do I know what really makes me happy?? In pursuit of reaching these milestones, more so due to pressures from peers, parents, neighbours...even strangers, all my attention is on the 'standard milestones set by others' that I forget to enjoy the simple pleasures and joy of life.

I had an epiphany (shruthi's fav. word!) and since then, have changed a lot from my previous self and have learnt to let go of myself. I think we are all conditioned to think that it is most important to think about others and please them than thinking about or caring about yourself. There were times I would feel guilty about being happy with S, away from my parents. Now, I know its silly. At the same time, I also think you want something to happen coz the person you love wants the same things too,more fervently than you do and succumb to it. But isnt that conditional love ( if such a word exists, but you get the drift, right?)

I am judgemental. PERIOD. I think its my basic nature, coz I dont seem to be able to change that about me :). I have judged people who choose to remain single and not marry at all or at couples who decide not to have children for whatever reason and so on. When I think about it, maybe that makes them happy. Who knows? It is important to respect their decision just like how I would like to be respected for mine.

S once told me 'You dont get hurt unless you want to get hurt'. I scoffed. I hate to admit now that it is indeed true. Over time, you learn to filter some people from your life and for your own good, its best to have positive people around you who revel in your happiness and accomplishments and at the same time, help you move on with life. But when you are young and raw, and have no idea of how cynical and cruel words can be, it comes as a shock that shakes you up...

Amma tells me ' Nobody is worth suffering!' Amen to that!!

Changeover!

Yesterday was Janmashtami and I rushed home to make neivedyam, at least the basics like pal payasam if not the works ( read uppu cheedai, vella cheedai etc.). After I spoke to Amma over the phone i remembered how she would make sure we would celebrate all the festivals with equal fervour despite the fact that she was a working mom. I would love the small foot prints of Krishna that would run across the hall to the Pooja and would long to do it myself and beg Amma to let me do my haphazard yet sincere attempt. As I grew older, I would scoff at traditions, more so due to lack of awareness of why we do it.

Now that I am married and live alone, I am able to appreciate and understand these interesting customs, traditions and festivals that come up to brighten up our banal existance and long for some more time and energy to celebrate it with renewed vigour after a long day at work! I think that when my mom took so much efforts to celebrate every festival despite feeling tired after a long day at work and long hours of travel....my life is so much easier and more comfortable....yet I bow down to laziness and feign ignorance?!! I would also like my kids ( when they come into my life!) to know, understand and enjoy these festivals and I should do whatever I can to educate them about it. There are lots of customs and traditions that we follow blindly, but in reality there is some logic or good reason for doing it. Most of the times, people do not ask nor do people bother to explain! OK! I digress...

I love the 'Ganesh Chathurthi' festival and I remember running along with Appa or Anna to the market to buy the beautiful clay idols and I would proudly carry Gannu's umbrella as I amble along with Appa back home and strangers on the road would smile at us and ask "Enna vinayakar vandacha??" ( So Lord Vinayaka has come home?). I vividly remember arriving home to hear Amma sing 'Morya re....Ganpati Pappa morya re...' ( My parents lived in Bombay in the initial years of their marraige) and it is a grand celebration in North India. Since we moved to Pune and we have been around for more than a year now, I get to see huge idols everywhere and it makes me sooo deliriously happy and excited. We are so immune to seeing Ganesha everywhere in our lives that the minute I see an elephant walking on the road, I am promptly reminded of the friendly God! Elephants have this innate quality of appearing child-like and innocent that is extremely endearing. Of course, the fact that they are known to be very unpredictable, strong and dangerous does not cross your mind. I have a huge indulgent smile on my face when I see an elephant anywhere! When I went on a trip with my friends from SRM ( my first job!) I remember falling in love with a baby elephant :)

I am looking forward to Ganesh Chathurthi this year, and of course, hoping its a holiday at work !! ;)

Update on surprise visit!

I had written a post earlier about my plans to surprise my mom in this post. When my brother, S and I arrived at her doorstep we all hid somewhere and rang the doorbell.....and when she saw us first, her face was blank....as if the fact that we are here had to sink in....and then the happiness on her face....is something I will remember for a long time. All the plotting, planning and the secrecy was well worth it to see her deliriously happy. It was a priceless moment. As people called up to wish her ( it was her birthday surprise!) she could not stop gushing about our surprise visit and how happy she was!! We all smiled at each other at her excitement and happiness and felt really good about it.

Well, all we did was eat, sleep, chat and shop!!! Had an awesome time and as always, were disappointed to leave in just four days!! All of us really enjoyed the time spent teasing each other and good humour....quality time spent!

Towards evening, S and I decided to go for a stroll in and around my parent's place coz the place has changed so much since our last visit. For old times sake, S wanted to have a fruit salad or something in 'Shakes n Creams' to relive the moments of our 'first date'. To our utter disappointment, it has been replaced by some Italian or American ( I didnt bother to check it!) restaurant....anyway, it is the feeling that matters, right? ( actually it is more a case of sour grapes!).

I have given my fancy-sentimental- letter-to-dad to be kept in safe custody with Amma. I am eagerly waiting to see his reaction on his birthday...now, things are back to normal routine and the routine is good too!! :)

A home is built with love and dreams....

Note: This was my rented flat, the first one we lived in, when we relocated to Pune!

How true!! :) Out of the dreariness, into its cheeriness....we come with weariness....to our Home! Yup! for most of us, home is where heaven is.....and I am no exception!
I am a very house-proud woman who loves coming back to a well kept, tastefully done home. We have recently bought our own dream home after much deliberation and fell in love with it instantly.

Most weekends are spent looking around for different ideas, miscellaneous things and more ideas.....yesterday we went to have a look at the progress (if any!). We were pleasantly surprised at the developments. We went there with no expectations ( just like I had no expectations when I married S) and got a double whammy ( with S as well) when we looked at the lovely big fountain, landscaping done all around...and beautifully carved royal looking gates....leading to our regal home ( Incidentally, the builder has aptly given the same caption). S and I were grinning from ear to ear and so thrilled at all the developments. The happiness on S's face is worth remembering.....our home is slowly taking shape and I was so glad to see tiles on my bathroom!!!!

I took advantage of S's excitement and pulled him along to see some fabulous lights (psssst....I had already eyed them before when I went with my friends, Moni and Srija.....) They are awesome.....three lights in a panel....one is a modern looking one and another one is an ethnic style mosaic patterns on the light....thankfully, for me S loved it and wanted to pick both.... well, that's like a jackpot for me. We will move to the new place hopefully by end of year, and the lights are all stocked already in the attic!! :o)


I gave a verbatim account of the developments to Amma over the phone coz I had to share my excitement with her. Arundhati once wished me that all good things will follow as we move to our new home.....I am sure God is hearing her words and says 'thathastu'!! Right now, I am happy and contented and thankful to God for showering his blessings on me.

A small gesture of gratitude....

I have been reading many blogs off late when I feel like taking a break. There were a lot of heart rendering posts about how each individual missed their parents in some way and unfortunately some of them lost their parents too. They all spoke about how they missed telling their dad/mom how much they loved him/her and this feeling of regret of having lost the opportunity to express their deep sense of love and gratitude.

Reading all these posts stirred in me the same feeling. I have not seen my parents for more than a year now, despite living in India for various reasons. My mom's birthday is on the 30th Aug and S and I decided to make a surprise visit to Chennai and of course, I will enjoy all my time with my family and I know for a fact that amma will be thrilled to bits and I cant wait to see the expression on her face. I am soooooo looking forward to it.

I talk to my Amma everyday and in all the excitement, I dont really talk to Appa much, unless we have something important to talk to each other about. Of course, it doesnt mean that I love him any less....it is just the way we are! It is Appa's birthday on the 18th September and even if I would love to extend my stay in chennai till then, my office would decide that I might stay there for as long as I want!!!! :D

So I finally came up with this brilliant idea ( So i think! lets see if Appa likes it!) of writing a letter to him about all my memories of him as a kid and what I feel about him and what an awesome dad he is to me. I finished the letter and showed S and he thinks its really touching and wishes we have kids who feel the same way about us! ( I think that's a good enough reaction!) . I have inserted some pictures of me and Appa in between and plan to make it little fancy and get creative. I improvise on it everyday. Once I am done, I plan to print it out on a photo paper and give it to him. I know appa and am sure he will cherish this more than any material gifts I can give him.

I feel damn good about it and I am happy I will not have regrets as far as my parents are concerned with this small little gesture! :-) Life is short and it is important to let your loved ones know how much you love them at every opportunity. As I see relationships fail all around me, I am very grateful to God for all the lovely people in my life and the unconditional love I receive. GOD BLESS!!

Myth Buster!

Disclaimer: All these myths and assumptions of mine are busted! They are applicable to ME and ME alone! Please do not relate to this post and make absurd comments in MY blog. Genuine comments with your own identity are welcome!

Myth: If you earn loads of money, you have a great career.
Fact: You have a great career, when you enjoy the work you do and look forward to go to work everyday. I earn reasonably good money, and most importantly, I look forward to go to work everyday now. REALLY.

Myth: Obsessing your mind with something you want or desire makes you really focused.
Fact: Obsessing gets you nowhere. It is important to enjoy every moment , for tomorrow you might get what you want /desire and start regretting those precious moments that are in the past now. Stop obsessing and things will fall into place.

Myth: I should behave in such a way that everyone likes me.
Fact: You cannot please EVERYONE and you live only once. If you make a genuine effort and if it still doesn’t work that way…..they don’t deserve it. PERIOD. Let them get over it and I can deal with it.

As life passes by, all my myths are gonna be busted…for good!!!