Comfortable Silence...

...I always love the New Year, for me it is reminiscent of hope, excitement and a wee bit anxiety of what is to come? Sometimes, a wee bit too much excitement or anxiety depending on my state of mind! S had to remind me that its just another day, being his practical self, while I expect miracles overnight like a little child...I mull over it and realize that this is who I AM, someone who gets excited over every tiny detail...

I always thought its a good thing to be an open book, you know? Often, even a stranger can just glance at me and know what I am feeling! Over time, I wanted to be mysterious and alluring. But try as much, I end up being like an "open-book exam". I have finally come to terms with the fact that this is ME! I don't want to say "Take it or leave it..." but I would like to say I love the way I am... do you?

There is not as much noise in my head as it used to be...am enjoying the comforting silence...I don't think I have changed radically within the last year, it has been a gradual and positive change, both emotionally and physically.

- Offlate, my opinions and instincts have begun to matter to me. Usually, I would ignore them, thinking I don't have the knowledge or expertise to take an informed decision. NOW, I listen to my heart, even if my mind feels differently and it makes me happy. Finally, that's what matters!

- I have reduced physically, feel more energetic, healthier and fitter. I would like to think I have gained mentally and grown into a mature and happy mind, body and soul.

- I have realized that when you smile more...you attract a lot of happiness to yourself and the people around you! I try to stay away from negative people. I do believe in negative energy and negative vibes.

- I have let go of my inhibitions...I don't think twice about complimenting someone or a complete stranger. Once, while shopping somewhere in India. while I stood in the queue to pay for the shopping, a young girl in college maybe, stood behind me wearing some gorgeous shoes I simply loved! Earlier, I would have just thought to myself that those shoes are awesome! But that day, I smiled at her and said " Your shoes are really cool" and it was so lovely to see genuine happiness on her face and she beamed at me. I realized that I had changed...for good! :)

- I am a blessed soul in many aspects and I am very thankful to God for everything and everyone he has given me. I truly am!

- I am trying really hard to take each day as it comes....i LOVE surprises, but not shocks! So its difficult for me to let go and not worry about the future. But I am consciously trying to enjoy every moment and every day instead of focussing on tomorrow!

Indeed, "Happiness is a state of mind"! Peace, love, joy, happiness and good health to you and yours in 2011! :)

Positivity Week (Day 7)!

Today is the final day of the 'Positivity Week' and I think God really wants to test how positivie I am, coz I had a bad day and its going to be difficult to list my 5 things today! No, I am not giving up and will make an effort! :)

1. I am thankful for the warm hug S gave me when I was visibly upset. He calmed me down when I reached home to vent my 'bad feelings' and misery. He can instantly figure out all my moods even if I don't utter a word! I am one of those people who needs to vent it all out, I never keep anything negative or positive bottled up - I believe letting it all out helps you move on...

2. An old lady in the Metro struck a conversation with me (which is a rare occurence as people hardly look at you, forget having a conversation!)...and before she had to get off...she said "You have dimples, no wonder your smile is so beautiful"!! The compliment warmed my heart and made me smile :)

3. I am happy that I found 'Kaushiki Chakrabarty' and her melodious voice that calms all my senses. I feel tranquil in those moments. :)

4. I am another day closer to seeing my darling Amma and Anna! :)

5. This is my 301th post...In Indian culture, when people give money as a gift or blessing, they add an extra rupee to it, like Rs.1001, Rs.501 etc. There is some significance to that practice. It symbolizes the intention of giving a little more than expected, a symbol of prosperity and abundance...which does not stop with a round figure. Similarly, I am happy that this is not my 300th post, but is my 301st post...and I believe it means I will always have happy memories and thoughts to share as time passes by...

This experiment has made me realize that I have so many things/people in my life who make it so much more worthwhile. On all days, (today is an exception), I did'nt need too much time to think about 5 things that made me happy...I am not just looking at the brighter side...I have learnt that there is sunshine and happiness all around...I just need to remove the shades that I am wearing! Enjoy the sunshine and happiness, its out there..within your reach!

Positivity Week (Day 6)

I had a fabulous weekend, looks like the positive thinking is working! Without further ado, I list my 5 happy things for the day!

1. I am happy I found this job. I get a lot of exposure, learning and I have also learnt to be patient. It is really difficult to find employment in Paris (or France?) if you don't speak fluent French and my French is anything but fluent! Strictly speaking, I was'nt 'unemployed', I was doing a lot of freelance work and I treated it like my "business"! But, I found it really difficult to get paid...they would extract the work but dilly-dally on the payments.

So while I got frustrated with the non-payments and scoured through every magazine or website, I mentioned to my friend S that I terribly missed working! I work part-time and this came about, thanks to her, who religiously looked for suitable jobs that fit my profile and referred me to my current job! Thank you S, I am very grateful for this!

2. I feel very blessed that I am married to my best friend! PERIOD. I think that says it all.

3. I am happy that I have learnt to surrender, total surrender to GOD! I have always believed in HIM, but I was very upset with GOD for certain events in my life. Now, I have accepted it and strongly believe that it happened for a reason! He knows what is best for me, he will always be there for me! After all, I am his favorite child! :)

4. Both friends and family think that I am very naive and fail to understand that not everyone is good! I really do trust everyone. I am happy that I see only the 'goodness' in people...if we propogate 'positive thinking', should'nt we learn to focus on the 'goodness' in people too? It has always worked very well for me as even the so-called 'distrustful' or 'mean' people are nice to me! :) I am happy I stuck to my instincts about people.

5. I am truly TRULY grateful that I was born to such wonderful people like my parents and thankful to them for the wonderful sibling they have given me! I know its all destiny, but I feel so lucky for the wonderful family I have!

Positivity Week (Day 5)

It has been a fun-filled weekend with very dear friends...full of fun, laughter and madness ( mostly on my part!) :) Its going to be really easy to list the 5 things that made me happy today!!

1. S and I, met a group of friends and we invited our British friends C and P (from our evening yesterday)...to a Sunday brunch at the world-famous Saravana Bhavan ( they have recently opened a new branch in Paris)....lots of delicious authentic south indian food, friends, conversations and filter-kaapis (filter coffee) later, we were a happy and contented bunch! :)

2. My friend C gave me an absolutely gorgeous surprise - she gave me a lovely green knitted scarf that took her more than a month to complete! It looks stunning and I simply loved it and touched by all the effort that has gone into making it! :) God, I am so blessed to get all this love and affection...will post a picture of the lovely scarf soon - its a sea-green color and its stunning! Thank you so much C, you made me an extremely happy woman today! :)

3. Speaking to the hotel staff in tamizh gives me a high! Apart from S, they are the only people I can speak to, in my mother tongue...and it gives me a sense of being back at home in Madras! It will always be Madras for me, NOT chennai...can't relate to it! :)

4. I have a 'child-like crazy' alter-ego which reveals itself when I am very very happy and comfortable. After a REALLY long time, I could reveal my alter-ego! Very few people get to see this side of me, apart from S and family....and I am glad I could add 2 new friends, C and P, with whom I felt so comfortable! :)

5. The weather is just perfect - cool and pleasant, and its a perfect Sunday! :)

Positivity Week (Day 4)

As we have already established that being positive or positivity is a great feeling, I will directly move on to the 5 things that made me happy today! :)

1. Coupled with my screwed-up hormones, I have a constitution that puts on weight, if I just look at food...leave alone eating it! So I really have to work doubly hard to acheive fitness read lose weight. Last year, I bought a pair of cotton jeans in a sale without trying it out, and when I came home and tried it on, it did'nt move beyond my hips to my utter horror! I stored it away hoping I will fit into it soon....and Voila! when I tried it on today, it did!!!!! I wore it to work today and only I knew how excited I was!! :) I always buy a few clothes that are slightly tight, so that its an incentive for me to work harder... :) My own little trick!

2. My friend C who I met in Paris sends me a random SMS about something we discussed long back....She does that very often....and it brings a big smile on my face! Coz, it shows that she is thinking about me and her SMS always comes at a time when I feel lonely and it cheers me up! An absolute bundle of energy and smiles, she radiates happiness....I am glad she is my friend! :)

3. It was a fun evening with friends C and P, and of course my darling S, an interesting movie (Inception), loads of laughter, great food and interesting conversations. Conversations with friends here are always interesting as we get to know and understand other cultures as well as share with pride, our culture, cuisine and to answer all the curious volley of questions! :)

4. Maybe it sounds very sappy, but I love weekends like everyone else for the same reasons - having a relaxed morning, breakfast, chill or relax and enjoying your time...but there is also another reason! :) If you have been reading all the days of my positivity notes, you will notice that there is an underlying common thread on all days - it is S! He is definitely one of the most important part of my happiness...and I am glad its weekend when I get to spend the entire day with him. I don't need to spend every waking moment with him, but I like to see him around...can't really explain it! :)

5. Same time, next week, I'll be with Amma, Anna and S....probably catching up on everything, having a leisurely breakfast as they would have just arrived late night....cuddling up to Amma, lying down on her lap....I can't wait!

Bon Weekend! Cheers!!

Positivity Week (Day 3)

I truly believe you can achieve happiness and be happy ALL THE TIME! Even if you are feeling really low, if someone smiles at you....you automatically smile back! I love to see smiling faces and most of the time, that's how you can see me - with a huge smile on my face! :) Even when I ping someone, this is a permanent symbol in all my chats - :) !

The conscious effort to stay positive seems to be working pretty well! Writing and listing it out on the blog further reiterates it! Moving on...to the 5 things that make me happy on Day 3!

1. I talk to my mother almost everyday! I am very close to my family which means I also love to talk to my brother and Dad too. But its not always possible to talk to them everyday for the simple reason that my brother needs to be at work and my Dad does not like to talk much! So my brother and I, send each other offline messages when we have something important to to say to each other, share music or any little thing! I smiled when I read his 'offline message' today! I am so glad that we manage to connect almost anytime despite the time difference and busy workind days.

2. My FB status reads ' Yours truly and Preeti Shenoy are focussing on being positive!' referring to the experiment! One of my friends who likes to tease me a lot, commented that 'So what's your blood group, B positive'? ...I had the last laugh this time coz I REALLY am B+!!! I know this friend S through my husband S, but we make fun of each other like we have been friends for years! I like the easy camaraderie we share and am grateful for the lovely friendship! :)

3. I love cooking and enjoy trying out different kinds of dishes....of course, I need to be in the mood for it ( I hate the prepping part of cutting veggies, grinding, purees, buying the veggies in the first place)! There are days I'd rather have Maggi noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner....anyway, I tried this Potato Capsicum Pulao from Nag's food blog! It turned out really well and S gave me a bonus when he got back home to say he loved it! He ALSO pinged me to say he really enjoyed lunch. It made me really happy. I owe it to Nags, who has a lovely blog and her method of explaining the recipe step-by-step with pictures makes me feel very confident about the outcome! Thank you Nags! If i want to make something different, I always check her blog first!

4. One of my friends from school is reconnecting with me on FB after a decade and she had sent me a message saying this " Janani, I must say that you look more beautiful than before....is it luv....;-)....??? All your profile pics are dazzling!" I am always thrilled to receive compliments and it made me feel good to read that! Yeah, I am vain like that! Bite me! :)

5. Last but not the least, believe me, I am really glad its FRIDAY!! I am this super-bright, chirpy person on all Fridays! My friends, colleagues and family will vouch for it!

Positivity Week (Day 2)

As you continue to find out the things that make me happy...you will realize that its very easy to make me happy. I get excited about the most inane things....or the little things! :) I also think its the best-kept secret to happiness...finding happiness in the little things in life...don't you agree?


1. I happened to watch interviews of Jada Pinket-Smith and Will Smith on Oprah and an old interview of Hrithik-Suzanne Roshan and it felt so good to see that they are so much in love and are the best of friends even after many years of being married and kids. Sadly, I am a witness to many of my friend's relationships and marraiges (of many years failing, even the most romantic couples I have known)....and this was a welcome change! I hope to see many more couples like them who help each other grow!

2. I am forever in a dilemma about growing/cutting my hair and bug S everytime asking if i should cut my hair....he said 'babe, you look sexy in long hair, so keep it!'....now that did'nt make me feel good....I was thrilled! ..and of course, I am growing my hair now! ;-) Besides, I am terrified of Amma's reaction if i cut my hair again and I have had short hair for quite some time now!

3. I saw this smiling baby on the Metro with the most beautiful eyes and she gave me such a gorgeous smile....it made me feel sooo good! If it was back home in India, I would have played with the child or touched her tiny hand....but here, I have to make an effort to stop myself from doing that! :) All babies are beautiful and ethereal...PERIOD.

4. Call me a material girl or a girly girl! But I just found this amazing natural shade of lipstick ( Golden Souffle, L'oreal)....and it tastes really good....does that count? :P

5. I listen to some good music everyday on my commute to work. Those 30 - 40 minutes, my entire life is a soundtrack and everyone else simply cease to exist! The grumpy faces, heat ( summer is killing esp. on the Metro with soo many people and non-existant ventilation) just don't bother me...and I am on a high! Depending on my mood that day, I am either listening to some calming music like melodious numbers or Hindustani classical or I am listening to super-koothu ( fast beat) songs or interesting songs with good beats and I am doing a mental dance if that's possible! :)

What if this had been?

What if that had not been?

Do not fret away

Remember, everything happens for a reason

You are so blessed in many ways

Why don't you acknowledge that?

Have faith, keep going

There is light at the end of the tunnel

Optimism is your mantra

Live for the moment, cherish these happy memories

This time will not come back

Remember, the future is bright and beautiful too

Yes, it most definitely is...