Not 'Idiot' Box, 'Inspire' Box! relatively speaking...

I have heard so many views on TV that it is an absolute waste of time and all that blah!

Personally, I don't think so! There are some lovely programs on TV that not only entertain but also inspire. It touches a chord somewhere deep....a 31 year old guy spoke on a talk show ( more of a debate) about sacrifice that was aired on TV.

He is working as a chef in a big 5 star hotel and got an assignment in Switzerland. He was going to the airport with his parents and sister, when he saw a destitute old man trying to eat a morsel of rice with his little finger with great difficulty.There was very little food in his hands. That guy immedietly left the car, went to a nearby restaurant and bought him some food. He was thinking, how can I not care? How can I be so uncaring and selfish??

He had an epiphany that day and decided not to take that job abroad. Instead, went home, took all the curd rice that was at home and fed that old man. The old man did not thank him, but looked at him for long with tears running down his cheeks. Something changed his whole outlook that day and he currently runs a trust to feed the destitutes on the roads. He brings them to his home, bathes and cleans them and personally cuts their hair!!! He does'nt think twice to touch them and clean them. Hats off to him.

Lots of people help him and he has turned these people around and they work with him as volunteers. If I did'nt watch T.V.... I would never know that such noble souls exist and It made me realize what a blessed soul I am having everything I want....and it incites me to do something for others, in my own way!

Another channel I love watching is 'Travel and Living'. They offer such a wide variety of programs and show different parts of India, where as an Indian myself, have not been able to go. Not to forget the exotic locales in different countries, I would love to travel around the world and that makes me work hard, well not work hard, but atleast work! :D I have always wanted to go to New Zealand since 'Lord of the Rings' and I will definitely go with S...in some time! :) Our grand plans include going on a europe trip on our 10th anniversary. I also want to visit the Golden temple in Amritsar for some reason. I am so intrigued about that place. Lets hope it materialises...

Don't we choose to take good things in life and move on, ignoring the negativities? I think the same applies to television, right?

On a totally different note, S and I went on a picnic and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We drove around pune and went to a place called Lawarde. I packed some lunch from home - puliodarai (tamarind rice), beans curry, curd rice, gongura ( a pickle made from gongura leaves), microwave vadam ( microwaved fryums) and some fruits.

It was a lovely quiet place and both of us loved the peace and quiet, far away from the maddening crowd.

Weekend update....

Yup! weekend is not over...yet here I am blogging, S is off to Bangalore for a week (!!!!!!) for some workshop yet again! I hate it when he has to go away on a weekend.....but at least he will be back for the next weekend....

Yesterday, S and I finally saw 'Jab We Met'. I simply loved the movie coz the characters are an exact replica of S and I. I was very intrigued when I heard from friends that Geet, the character played by Kareena reminds them so much of me......and S endorsed and confirmed that its absolutely true!!! :) The indulgent smile on Aditya, the character played by Shahid, in the movie is exactly how S looks at me....coz I am indeed like her, the yakkity yak types and who is enthusiastic about everything on earth and who is in her dream world!

There is a scene in the movie where shahid asks kareena ' You absolutely love yourself, don't you?' ....and she replies 'absolutely'!!! S and I looked at each other and laughed out loudly!!! ....Indeed, that's me!!!! :D Her character is very endearing, even if i say so myself....now you kinda know why people think I am like that!!!

By now, you have figured that we loved the movie!!! I loved the music too and I am downloading the music on to my mobile from http://www.songs.pk/ A good mix of slow romantic numbers and good beats.....full paisa vasool, as they say!!

We also went to an exhibition, of construction material, engineering and interiors....thanks to my dear friend Srija, who told me about it. It was a whopping Rs.100/- for the entrance, per person! As we went all the way, we did go and it was indeed interesting. We found some interesting options for the house....had a sumptuous meal at Flag's before the movie....we had a lovely and packed weekend!! :)

aoge jab tum sajnaaa, angna phool khilenge....barsega saawan....barsage saawan.....

(courtesy: Jab We Met!)....S, if you are reading this post, this is for you!!!!

Simple pleasures in life I miss....

..Having home-made esp.amma's thayir sadam(curd rice) with urulakizhangu( potato) curry or vethakuzhambu!

..Being reprimanded for running away with the cordless to speak with my friends and whispering our little secrets in a corner of the room....and at one such time, if appa is there he would say....enga pore? ( where are you going?) ingaye pesu( talk right here in front of me)! ...and I would tell my friend "my dad is here ya! I will talk to you later!".....sneak into the room later and steal the cordless to talk privately!! :)

..lying down on Amma's lap and smelling her saree with its distinct amma-ness and feel the soft material...nothing can compare to that fuzzy and secure feeling.

..Saving throughout the month a sum of Rs.100/- to splurge on miscellaneous junk jewellery in Pondy Bazaar....the anticipation, excitement and thrill does not come with the amount of money that I have now to buy the most expensive clothes! ( comparitively, I mean)

..Getting up early morning to go and play for hours together in Besant Nagar beach! ( I still prefer waking up late, the lazy bum that I am!)

..Reassuring hugs from Amma and Appa that emanate a feeling of security, love and affection. ( I can't receive them whenever I want to, coz I am married now and live away from them!)

..To come back from a long and tiring day at work to hot and come-cooked food. There have been days I have cried in hunger when I get back home, as soon as I got married..

Random musings!

Its winter and extremely cold. As I wake up in the morning, its sheer bliss to snuggle under the quilt and sleep for another 5 minutes.....except that I miss the warmth next to me!

I am very much a people's person and thrive on company all the time. I don't need a big group of friends to chat with, just someone with whom I can have a good conversation and frequencies to match! Staying alone with S away has given me too much time to introspect and I don't like it!! :D

I can't imagine how time flies and it is already time for the new year to arrive! I am confident with hope for all new beginnings in the new year starting with our new home! :) Yup, I can't stop gushing about it...bear with me! :)

A friend has given a keychain that reads 'A closed mouth gathers no foot'. :) Well, yes, sometimes my foot slowly moves towards my mouth....and I am proud to declare that I have learnt to keep my mouth shut and just smile. It makes such a difference to my personality and I feel much better about myself later, I don't have to regret or say anything that might hurt someone....another step towards being a better person taken!

I met S in Oct 2002 and I can't believe it has been 5 years since we have known and loved each other....seems like only 5 months...time flies when you are having fun, eh? I am confident, in fact know that our bond will only grow stronger and closer as time passes by. I say this with utmost confidence.

I believe in expressing my emotions freely, be it to express love or complimenting someone. I don't think twice. As rightly said in the movie 'My best friend's wedding', when such moments pass by, they never come back. Don't we all love to hear compliments? Even in F.R.I.E.N.D.S, rachel tells her friend monica that she wants to profess her love for Ross. When monica convinces her not to, she says 'But don't people love to hear that?'. :) I totally agree with her!

I am very happy with myself for the brave shift in my career choice and I can't imagine how I did'nt dream of doing this earlier. I love my job and am surprised I enjoy it so much...its a revelation, coz I am easily bored and have a short attention span....I was prepared to start from scratch!

Good music gives me such a high like nothing else does....it is a panacea for all evils read negative thoughts or dull moments...

I am very thankful to HIM for giving me a wonderful life, though it has taken some time for me to realize it. I truly believe that there is a GOD up there who loves me and is looking out for his little girl....duh?? me... :)

Big Bonus!!

I have always believed and still do that in any scenario, whether professional or personal, when you don't expect anything, everything you get or receive is a big bonus. I know its easier said than done, but when practiced it really makes sense.

I got married at a pretty young age as compared to a lot of women today. I was 22 when I got engaged and I had no clue what I wanted in a husband, other than a reasonable expectation that he should be taller than me! ( he is way taller than me!)....it has worked well for me. I am perfectly happy with the way our relationship has shaped. Touchwood. To a large extent, I feel it is due to God's and parent's blessings of course, but also coz I did'nt have too many specifications or expectations. So anything I got from the relationship is a big bonus, and I won a whirlwind big time lottery!! :D

I strongly believe that come what way, we all get what is destined for us....both good and bad....so I fail to understand jealousy or comparison with someone else. I don't claim to be holier than thou, after all I am human too....there are times when I feel 'why me?' when I fail at something or when something does not happen at a certain point in my life....but that's about it...I move on...and I definitely feel happy for someone....I don't feel any negativity towards anybody. Absolutely.

But offlate, I see a lot of hypocrites around me who claim that our current generation is very selfish. I want to say atleast I don't have a problem admitting that "Yes! I am selfish. I don't pretend to be something that I am not". I don't say anything in return other than a smile coz I would not like to sound rude or arrogant and I genuinely respect you for your age! ( not exactly your thoughts). There is so much pettiness in your judgement and opinions that I don't want to dignify it with an answer! I stay away from a lot of "friends" who feign concern but in reality are comparing balance sheets of their so called "achievements", if you seem to think so, that is. I am not YOU who is all sweetness in front of me but bitch about me behind my back. It is sad but true that all of them are women, I have never come across such men so far! Maybe, I am meeting all the right ones, who knows? I have slowly come to understand the real meaning of friendship and am glad that I am blessed with good friends now, who give me a hearing before judging me. Infact, they don't judge me at all.

I believe in optimism, prayer and surrounding myself with happy and positive people, happy and positive thoughts and work towards becoming a better human being, not necessarily rich in wealth but rich in character. Finally, is'nt that what matters?

Struggle!

I am someone who is excited about anything and everything.....(now that its diwali,I am waiting to light the carved diyas and paper-mesh light at home!!). At the same time, I also have these bouts of negative thoughts right when I am having fun or extremely happy that dampens my spirit....and I have a fit of sudden rage, anger, irritability and finally end up in tears...it is as if I myself am not happy that I am happy!!!

I hate the fact that one loss in my life sits so strong on my mind that it haunts me time and again. A very confident woman is now scarred for life? I hope not....I know its all within me but I struggle to come out of it. Some people tend to be so rude and mean, without any consideration for your feelings. Maybe, they mean well but finally its my personal struggle that nobody can help me with. I feel very insecure and fear grips me! what if....

I have read time and again that life is all about being positive and I strongly believe in prayer, God and that happiness is a state of mind.....I am looking forward to all good things.....in life with the new year and new house.......new beginnings!!! :)

Time stands still....

S and I went this weekend to have a look at our dream come true...I mean our Home! :) Its a wonderful feeling to see your house built brick by brick....when you work hard to see it develop slowly....

S and I were standing on our bedroom balcony and enjoying the serene view and discussing our interiors and how we would go about doing it....as soon as we stood there, just then, the fountains came up with lights and it was beautiful.....very calming to hear the sound of water gushing as we spoke about our future here....I saw it as a sign of good times to come by....and told S so....S came across and hugged me! It was a beautiful moment.....for us...and will remain etched in my memory for years to come! :)

I have understood the hard way round, that life is what you make it to be....and its within you to enjoy the present and staying positive gives positive vibes to your home too!! :)

I can live on music and love!....and very happily...

I have been watching lots of movies that influenced me gravely....in a positive sense! S and I are big movie buffs, all we do on weekends since we got married is to go shopping ( which is MY passion, not his, like most women) and watch movies. SInce we moved to Pune, we go to the theatres quite often as it is pretty nearby for us.

Last weekend, we could'nt get tickets....so I drove the car ( for once!) and we rented CDs and that's how we saw Hyderbad Blues 2 ( I loved the first one and was keen on watching its sequel!) and fell in love with this song. It is a song based on Raag Khamaaj. Thanks to satya's gift ( the walkman phone) I listen to this song everyday. It makes me all mushy and its a beautiful song ( if you are someone who appreciates Hindustani music, you will love it!).

Mora Saiyaan [ My lover] ( Soundtrack by the Band Fuzon in Hyderabad Blues 2)

You can also download to this song here: http://rapidshare.com/files/10796442/Mora_Saiyan.mp3

Saawan Beeto Jaye Pe Harwa, Mann Mera Ghabraye

Spring is getting over my love, My heart is getting scared

Aeso Gaye Pardes Piya Tum Cheyn Humein nahin Aye

You have gone abroad/away in such a way I am not at peace

Mora Saiyaan moh sey bolay Na Mein Laakh Jatan Kar HaariLaakh Jatan Kar Haar Rahi

My lover is not talking with me I have lost after pleading so much

Mora Saiyyan Moh Say Bolay Na....

Tu Jo Nahin to Aisay Piya hum Jaisay Soona Aanganaa

When u are not there I am like an empty garden

Nain Tehaari Rah Neeharey Nainnan Ko Tarsaona

Eyes are looking out for you; don't make my eyes to suffer

Mora Saiyaan moh Say bolay Na...

Pyar Tumhain Kitna Kartay Hain Tum Yeh Samajh Nahin Pao gay

You cannot understand how much I love you...

Jab Hum Na Hongay to Peharwa Bolo Kya Tab Aao gay

Tell me darling , will you come back when I wont be there anymore?

Mora Saiyaan moh Sey Bolay Na....

As I listen to this song and many other lovely songs....I think that I could just go on with music and love....Life is so beautiful....Music has this calming effect on you that you have an aura of positive energy. Trust me, it really works!!

Another movie that I really liked was 'Signs'. I could only catch it halfway through....it was on Zee cafe ( Manoj Night Shyamalan Festival)....a brilliant filmmaker who brings out the most beautiful emotions effortlessly in simple expressions from small kids.....I was sobbing as Mel Gibson talks to his wife and children. Though the movie deals with extra terrestrials, the underlying emotional bond between the children and their father is sooo amazing, it takes your breath away....There are lots of movies that make you feeling good at the end of it....as of now, these two are foremost in my mind. :) Watch it if you have'nt!

Shopping over the weekend!!!!!! :D

Carpet and Cushions!!! ...and I love it!

"We control fifty percent of a relationship, We influence one hunder percent of it"

Totally agree with the title...I know for a fact and from experience that different people come into our lives for a reason!

Interactions with different people in the form of colleagues, friends, neighbours and even acquaintances help you to learn and unlearn, how to be and not to be sometimes, to be grateful for the things I have, to change certain unpleasant aspects of me and I could just go on...yes, every individual in our lives influence us a one hunder percent and vice versa consciously or sub-consciously, but it definitely happens!!!!

I remember when I was a little girl, my classmate sridevi once said that I dont have good lips...and my upper lip does not look nice. It made me so conscious that I would ask everyone what they thought of my lips and asked my dad, if my lips were ugly!!! Well, now I know that its something superficial and does not matter. I have learnt not to make personal comments, something I unlearned from her! When you are young, you are impressionable and certain things are indelible in your memory. You are not mature enough to choose the right influences. Of course, not that I have been a saint in school. I made fun of her and ignored her when she begged to be part of our gang in school. ( Sruti, Avanti, myself and Revathi) which i am not proud of, and am really ashamed to say this now. I don't believe that looks do not matter....it does matter but only to the point of being presentable and smartly dressed. But it is very mean to make personal comments....is there anyone who would not like to be pretty or beautiful?

When I was in the XI and XII, I became pretty close to Bharath, a very academically inclined boy. His aggressiveness towards studies and to achieve influenced me to work hard for my board exams. We used to attend accounts coaching classes after school and I still remember our late night conversations on the road, about our dreams and our future. I heard from someone that he is doing well recently. We stayed in touch on and off through college. Even his parents graciously attended my wedding. Post-wedding, I moved cities and since he is not as wired as I am, I have not been able to stay in touch.

My good friend Ashwin, is also someone I met in the tuition classes. We had a very close friendship through my college years and even after I started working. Kutty Sangita ( with whom I am still in touch and who just had a baby girl :)) , Ashwin and I had a wonderful time in group studies, tuitions and when we met each other in our homes after college or on a Sunday. I was very close to him and my world came crashing down if we fought!! :) My mom would ask me if i did'nt talk much that if i had fought with Ashwin. Unfortunately, after i got engaged, he stopped talking to me as he used to.....and I lost my confidante. He is in Singapore now, and I recently spoke to his mom. I miss him. My erstwhile best friend.

In every phase of my life, I have had wonderful close friends who have been there and we have shared a special relationship. There are times when I wonder how their life is, if they are married, successful and happy?

A friend once told me that I am like water....that shapes itself according to the container it is in....I have loads of friends.....and I can easily adapt to new surroundings. I take it as a compliment. Infact, my best friend says I am so friendly with people that there is no clear distinction between a close friend and other friends. My point is, should there be? Fact remains that although it may seem as if I am close to everyone, only close friends know the real me.

As I changed jobs, I have made amazing friends and this post is for all of them to let them know I do think about them and miss them. Special mention of Sridevi, Bharath and Ashwin is only because i am not in touch with them anymore and I am unable to. No hard feelings to others and you are indeed special to me! There are so many of you who have influenced me in a positive sense, yes tess you too!! :)

F.R.I.E.N.D.S is my all favourite show for obvious reasons!!! :) There are so many meaningful profound moments in the series that it brings a lump in my throat.

The English language!!

I am very fond of watching the way people behave, their mannerisms, their body language and how can i forget, their language! ....its very interesting and keeps me occupied when I am waiting for someone ( which I hate to!!)....on the road or when I am jus plain bored...as a kid, I had this habit of correcting random people if they make mistakes in english ( not that I was or am perfect in the language, but I am willing to learn if i make mistakes) and friends would scoff that she behaves like she is Shakespeare's sister or something!!!...now, I know better not to correct and my attitude is more of 'oh! whatever...'!!! When some random person sniggers or comments, you will know!!!

Times when people dont listen, they just hear in a conversation. Best example is yours truly. I am someone who talks non-stop and when I talk to friends or anyone for that matter, I have so much to say. In the bargain, I fail to listen to the other person ( which I am not proud of). A friend once told me that even if a cockroach goes by, I will have a story to relate!! Is that good or bad? I dont know....

When people say 'if suppose'? I want to say, but they are both the same!! I am itching to correct them, but I shut up as some sense prevails...

When people say 'oh! you are so childish!!' I am NOT childish, I am child-like....and No! Its not the same. Being childish is to be foolish. While someone who is child-like is someone who has the spontaneity and innocence of a child. To say you are child-like is a compliment, but to say you are childish is to call me a fool! So for people who know me personally, get the cue??

Lots of people say 'I am trying to cope up...'. Since childhood, my mom has told me some infinity times that to say 'cope up..' is wrong english and you can only cope with something...not cope up. So the minute I hear someone say 'cope up', I can visualize my mom's image in the vicinity saying ' that is wrong english'!!

Another image of S conjures up in my mind, when someone says 'lesser than'..According to him, no such term exists...ahem...well...ahem! ( I don't agree with him) He says its either 'less than' or 'lesser'...its NOT 'lesser than'... But it sure reminds me of him. Another classic observation of Mr.S is that apparently, all SOUTH Indians say 'you will look nice....' instead of 'you look nice'....really??? They add a unnecessary 'will' to every sentence...

None of us are experts in the language, but as you learn from your mistakes, you also gain confidence....not just in English anything for that matter in life, am I right? Lots of people who care, correct me when I make grammatical mistakes and I truly appreciate it...honestly I do!

Courtesy: Travel and Living

" A man who does not travel, is like someone who has read only a page in a book" - I like, I like!!!

For you, Amma!

This is a beautiful song from some non-descript movie in tamizh, but the song is sooo meaningful.

This is so true, amma....every word!

uyirum neeye udalum neeye uravum neeya thaaye....
than udadil sumandhu uyirai pagirndhu uruvam tharuvai neeye...
un kannil vazhiyum oru thuli podum, kadalum muzhugum thaaye...
un kaal adi mattum tharuvai thaaye.....sorgam enbadu poiyee....

vinnai padaithan, mannai padaithan ...kaatrum mazhai yum oliyum padaithan..
bhoomikku adanaal nimmadi illai........saami thavitthan! thaayai padaithan...

uyirum neeye....udalum neeye...ouravum neeye thaaye!
uyirum neeye udalum neeye uravum neeya thaaye....
than udadil sumandhu uyirai pagirndhu uruvam tharuvai neeye...
un kannil vazhiyum oru thuli podum, kadalum muzhugum thaaye...
un kaal adi mattum tharuvai thaaye.....sorgam enbadu poiyee....

For the benefit of people who don't understand tamizh...

you are life, you are my body, you are my relation Oh mother...
you have shared life, carried me inside you and created a relationship
A teardrop from your eyes can drown the sea...
let me lie down near your footsteps, heaven is a myth!

God created the sky, the earth, the air, the rain and sound
Earth was not happy , God was unhappy and finally created you Mother!

you are life, you are my body, you are my relation Oh mother...
you have shared life, carried me inside you and created a relationship
A teardrop from your eyes can drown the sea...
let me lie down near your footsteps, heaven is a myth!

The way my mind works...

Its another Monday and I come to office with my morning blues and realize that I have a late call that night. I discuss with my manager that I skip the call for various reasons and he agrees and asks me to send updates and inform my global counterpart regarding the same....I send a e-mail and I thought that's about it!

In some time, my manager pings me that he wants to talk to me about the e-mail I sent. He was busy right now and would come and talk to me post-lunch. From that point began the intense activity in my mind......what could it be? I did double-check before I sent out that e-mail? Did it sound rude? so I reassure myself that it was not rude by consulting with my colleague-friend.....does my mind rest now?

I go on with my work and continue my daily work routine.....a colleague asks me to proof-read his email and calls me, while my mind goes on 'what did I do wrong? what and why does he want to talk to me?'. My colleague brings me back to earth from my reverie and asks if something is wrong? I smile and nod that everything is fine while my mind is in 'panic' mode....'did'nt I check enough before i sent the mail out?'

My friend pings me for lunch and I diligently carry my lunchbox to the microwave to heat it up....and while I am looking for the sauce dispenser, look for my manager if he is around.....and can't simply concentrate on the lunch conversation while we eat....

Post lunch, we go for a walk and get back hurriedly lest my manager comes to my desk and can't find me? I won't know what the matter is?? I come back and can't stop myself from pinging my manager if I can come to his desk to discuss about the e-mail. He replies that he is in a meeting and he himself will come post-lunch!!! I am thinking, but it IS post-lunch??!! But he means post his lunch!! :)

So the clock ticks loudly in my mind and I check the computer time almost every minute!!! Finally, he does come and puts an end to the suspense!! Its nothing that kept me worried for almost the entire day!!! I heave a huge sigh of relief and laugh at my own stupidity and calm myself down.....by this time, I have already run the conversation in my mind numerous times and have thought of the various possibilities and devise my 'defense mechanism'!!!

Am i paranoid or what? Does any of your minds work this way??!!

...and one more!

Butterfly!

My recent work!

Coconut tree leaves - if you can't figure out what it is!! :D

Mother-tongue???!! yeah! I have a tongue!

When we moved to Pune, I thought we would be the only Tamilians ( yup, I am a tamilian who is sometimes harassed for being one, read this episode). But I am surprised to hear a lot of tamil in and around me and I feel really happy on hearing tamil :) .

No! I have no allegiance to a particular region or language. But for me, to speak in tamizh - means to speak with my family, feeling at home, something that comes naturally to me, of being extremely comfortable speaking my own language that flows easily. Of course, I can speak very fluently in Hindi ( I studied in a Central School, infact I learnt social studies in Hindi!! ) or English but to speak in tamizh means informality. I can let go of any formality and be myself....It makesit easier for me to relate to something that person refers to or explains.

I used to find it really wierd when S would speak to me in English when we were engaged.....no, he is not a 'peter'( a term used by tamilians to refer to someone who shows off that he/she speaks good english). In his own words, " Bloody hell, I think in English, so its difficult for me to convert to Tamizh and speak all the time". Now he speaks fantastic tamizh after more than 4 years of marraige, and the credit goes to you-know-who ( lots of people give me the credit)! :D

I remember that as a kid my mom used to help me and Anna learn to read / write tamizh by reading all the proverbs that would come in between commercial in good old doordarshan. She strongly believed that its extremely important that her children should know their mother tongue as well in addition to Hindi/English. Being a linguist herself, she can speak various languages easily which has helped her in so many ways to settle down easily in a new environment or to make friends with someone. Similarly, as I can speak Hindi fluently, it has been so easy to make friends or for that matter, survive in a non-tamil speaking city! Isnt that reason enough to learn more languages? Isnt learning different languages fun? The mushy side of me would always want to know how you say 'I love you' in a different language if I meet someone....

Unfortunately, some parents these days dont seem to feel the same way.The kind of emphasis english gets, I dont think any language does. I do understand the importance of good communication skills and of speaking good english, especially when it comes to your progress in career. But isn't it important to be able to understand what your loved ones speak at home, even if you have not grown up there?

I have always noticed how children of mixed parentage, for example, a child who has a tamizh mother and a punjabi father, who should ideally speak both tamizh as well as punjabi, in most cases can speak neither. Infact, I have met so many tamilians who are born and brought up in Mumbai, say "Mujhe tamil malum hi nahi hai....I am a typical Mumbaite"!....very proudly!!! Sadly, they dont realize that they are the losers!!! I feel like they dont have any real identity, neither here nor there....no belongingness!!!

So, now all of you know I am a proud tamilian and my kids (when I am blessed with them!) will definitely speak/read/write tamizh, irrespective of where they are brought up so that their grandparents, relatives and others can speak to them freely. We will encourage them to learn different languages, and most importantly, feel proud of their roots!!

Giving life to Azoics!

Today as I rode my bike to the office hurriedly ( yup, am always rushing to work!)....I was wondering how there is a distinct discrimination even when it comes to inanimate objects like the vehicles on road....

The luxury Cars, stylish cars, cars in vogue, natty looking chic cars and all that jazz invite envious looks from onlookers and remind me of pretty young things who can further be categorized into the ultra stylish, fashionable girls and boys, the practical types and some who are a mix of both - stylish on some days and not-so-well-dressed on others....

The autos rickshaws and public buses represent the middle-aged men and women who earn a decent living, not very successful or very aggressive in their outlook. They are in a job with the sole intention of earning a living. They work not because they love their job, but for the sake of doing the right thing.

Just like some autos who would rather sit around and chat with their buddies, if they had a choice, they would rather laze around at home and relax instead of toiling in the workplace. Similar to autodrivers who haggle with their 'savaari' for an extra 10 or 20 bucks, they haggle with their bosses for an increment or promotion based on seniority rather than performance or productivity.

One that stands out in the traffic is the garbage van! Have you noticed how the other vehicles cringe when they are in the vicinity of a garbage van, well, coz it stinks in the entire neighbourhood as they pass by? But can you imagine, in what surrounding we would all live in, if the garbage is not cleared?

The garbage van represents people like the rag pickers, toilet cleaners, maids, labourers and other such workers who are always ignored and generally, taken for granted. Some of them are treated like untouchables akin to the garbage van that is avoided by all vehicles on the road. People make faces on signals when the garbage van is around, while he takes everyone's crap (literally!!).

As a kid, while fighting with other kids or more due to the fact that I didnt know too many bad words , I have used the toilet cleaner as an abusive word. Now, I realize how wrong I was...would I like to use a dirty bathroom at home? Don't I cringe when I see a dirty used toilet at my workplace or in a public utility areas? What a dirty world we would live in, if not for those people?

By the way, I was thinking about all this when I was cleaning the toilet at home yesterday and when I saw the garbage van today as I turned into plush, green and sparkling surroundings that lead to a cleaner office!!!....thanks to you-know-who!!! :)

I am touched!

(Click on the picture for a larger view and to figure out who S is!! :D)

When you are in the middle of some mundane things, thoughtful surprises bring such a joy into your life.Today was such a day and I MUST write this down to remind myself of how much love and blessings I receive.

S has always been very angry with me for not changing my mobile which is a pretty basic one. I prefer it that way, it is just something that I use to make calls and receive calls. I don't like to spend too much money on a fancy expensive one, simply coz its not among my priorities. I admit that I do like certain ringtones and some cute stuff you can have if you have a good handset, but I can do without it. I am not a gadget freak or anything. PERIOD. Recently, my existing basic phone had some display problems and I have been using it with a big blob on the screen as if a kid scratched it with a big crayon.

Today I had some work to do and had gone out with my friend. S dropped me half way and we discussed that he would buy Ganesha and some pooja stuff as its Ganesh Chathurthi. He also said that he would check on my phone about the display problem as it is still under warranty. ( by the way, I didnt expect half these things to be done....)

I finished my work and come home to see that our friendly God adorns our pooja with some modaks and S looks like the cat who got the cream. He gives me a W300i phone,its a walkman phone with a camera and all that jazz. More than the fancy phone, what was most thoughtful was that by the time I got back, he had copied some music that I love from a CD that is scratched and does not play properly, patiently loaded it on to the laptop at home, and selected the ones I love and had loaded it on to the brand new phone and gave it to me. There is this violin music that plays on his phone but would not play on my erstwhile phone as it does not have capabilities. Even that ringtone is now mine and he is more excited about my new phone than I am!!! :)

Also, I love this song called "Soni de nakh de...from Partner" and go crazy when the song comes on T.V or when its played in the car. He had loaded that song for me first! Now, I can even listen to music on my phone and it is a fancy flip phone.

I am amazed at how he notices these little details and takes my breath away with such cute gestures. I was overwhelmed and I felt so good for all the trouble he went to, for me. He could have simply lazed around, watched T.V. or done anything he wanted to, at home as its a holiday.

My darling S, what would I do without you??

Is MY happiness OTHER's state of mind?

Why do we all (especially yours truly!) see happiness confined to a few milestones? good job, get married, buy a house, have kids, have another kid, save-enough-to-have-an-independent-life, children well settled, etc. etc...well, I am sure everyone would say 'well, that is the natural course that life takes for everyone!!'. My point is why can't it be different? Why am I answerable or questioned about each milestone at every point of time? Does it matter at all to anybody what really makes me happy? Most importantly, Do I know what really makes me happy?? In pursuit of reaching these milestones, more so due to pressures from peers, parents, neighbours...even strangers, all my attention is on the 'standard milestones set by others' that I forget to enjoy the simple pleasures and joy of life.

I had an epiphany (shruthi's fav. word!) and since then, have changed a lot from my previous self and have learnt to let go of myself. I think we are all conditioned to think that it is most important to think about others and please them than thinking about or caring about yourself. There were times I would feel guilty about being happy with S, away from my parents. Now, I know its silly. At the same time, I also think you want something to happen coz the person you love wants the same things too,more fervently than you do and succumb to it. But isnt that conditional love ( if such a word exists, but you get the drift, right?)

I am judgemental. PERIOD. I think its my basic nature, coz I dont seem to be able to change that about me :). I have judged people who choose to remain single and not marry at all or at couples who decide not to have children for whatever reason and so on. When I think about it, maybe that makes them happy. Who knows? It is important to respect their decision just like how I would like to be respected for mine.

S once told me 'You dont get hurt unless you want to get hurt'. I scoffed. I hate to admit now that it is indeed true. Over time, you learn to filter some people from your life and for your own good, its best to have positive people around you who revel in your happiness and accomplishments and at the same time, help you move on with life. But when you are young and raw, and have no idea of how cynical and cruel words can be, it comes as a shock that shakes you up...

Amma tells me ' Nobody is worth suffering!' Amen to that!!

Changeover!

Yesterday was Janmashtami and I rushed home to make neivedyam, at least the basics like pal payasam if not the works ( read uppu cheedai, vella cheedai etc.). After I spoke to Amma over the phone i remembered how she would make sure we would celebrate all the festivals with equal fervour despite the fact that she was a working mom. I would love the small foot prints of Krishna that would run across the hall to the Pooja and would long to do it myself and beg Amma to let me do my haphazard yet sincere attempt. As I grew older, I would scoff at traditions, more so due to lack of awareness of why we do it.

Now that I am married and live alone, I am able to appreciate and understand these interesting customs, traditions and festivals that come up to brighten up our banal existance and long for some more time and energy to celebrate it with renewed vigour after a long day at work! I think that when my mom took so much efforts to celebrate every festival despite feeling tired after a long day at work and long hours of travel....my life is so much easier and more comfortable....yet I bow down to laziness and feign ignorance?!! I would also like my kids ( when they come into my life!) to know, understand and enjoy these festivals and I should do whatever I can to educate them about it. There are lots of customs and traditions that we follow blindly, but in reality there is some logic or good reason for doing it. Most of the times, people do not ask nor do people bother to explain! OK! I digress...

I love the 'Ganesh Chathurthi' festival and I remember running along with Appa or Anna to the market to buy the beautiful clay idols and I would proudly carry Gannu's umbrella as I amble along with Appa back home and strangers on the road would smile at us and ask "Enna vinayakar vandacha??" ( So Lord Vinayaka has come home?). I vividly remember arriving home to hear Amma sing 'Morya re....Ganpati Pappa morya re...' ( My parents lived in Bombay in the initial years of their marraige) and it is a grand celebration in North India. Since we moved to Pune and we have been around for more than a year now, I get to see huge idols everywhere and it makes me sooo deliriously happy and excited. We are so immune to seeing Ganesha everywhere in our lives that the minute I see an elephant walking on the road, I am promptly reminded of the friendly God! Elephants have this innate quality of appearing child-like and innocent that is extremely endearing. Of course, the fact that they are known to be very unpredictable, strong and dangerous does not cross your mind. I have a huge indulgent smile on my face when I see an elephant anywhere! When I went on a trip with my friends from SRM ( my first job!) I remember falling in love with a baby elephant :)

I am looking forward to Ganesh Chathurthi this year, and of course, hoping its a holiday at work !! ;)

Update on surprise visit!

I had written a post earlier about my plans to surprise my mom in this post. When my brother, S and I arrived at her doorstep we all hid somewhere and rang the doorbell.....and when she saw us first, her face was blank....as if the fact that we are here had to sink in....and then the happiness on her face....is something I will remember for a long time. All the plotting, planning and the secrecy was well worth it to see her deliriously happy. It was a priceless moment. As people called up to wish her ( it was her birthday surprise!) she could not stop gushing about our surprise visit and how happy she was!! We all smiled at each other at her excitement and happiness and felt really good about it.

Well, all we did was eat, sleep, chat and shop!!! Had an awesome time and as always, were disappointed to leave in just four days!! All of us really enjoyed the time spent teasing each other and good humour....quality time spent!

Towards evening, S and I decided to go for a stroll in and around my parent's place coz the place has changed so much since our last visit. For old times sake, S wanted to have a fruit salad or something in 'Shakes n Creams' to relive the moments of our 'first date'. To our utter disappointment, it has been replaced by some Italian or American ( I didnt bother to check it!) restaurant....anyway, it is the feeling that matters, right? ( actually it is more a case of sour grapes!).

I have given my fancy-sentimental- letter-to-dad to be kept in safe custody with Amma. I am eagerly waiting to see his reaction on his birthday...now, things are back to normal routine and the routine is good too!! :)

A home is built with love and dreams....

Note: This was my rented flat, the first one we lived in, when we relocated to Pune!

How true!! :) Out of the dreariness, into its cheeriness....we come with weariness....to our Home! Yup! for most of us, home is where heaven is.....and I am no exception!
I am a very house-proud woman who loves coming back to a well kept, tastefully done home. We have recently bought our own dream home after much deliberation and fell in love with it instantly.

Most weekends are spent looking around for different ideas, miscellaneous things and more ideas.....yesterday we went to have a look at the progress (if any!). We were pleasantly surprised at the developments. We went there with no expectations ( just like I had no expectations when I married S) and got a double whammy ( with S as well) when we looked at the lovely big fountain, landscaping done all around...and beautifully carved royal looking gates....leading to our regal home ( Incidentally, the builder has aptly given the same caption). S and I were grinning from ear to ear and so thrilled at all the developments. The happiness on S's face is worth remembering.....our home is slowly taking shape and I was so glad to see tiles on my bathroom!!!!

I took advantage of S's excitement and pulled him along to see some fabulous lights (psssst....I had already eyed them before when I went with my friends, Moni and Srija.....) They are awesome.....three lights in a panel....one is a modern looking one and another one is an ethnic style mosaic patterns on the light....thankfully, for me S loved it and wanted to pick both.... well, that's like a jackpot for me. We will move to the new place hopefully by end of year, and the lights are all stocked already in the attic!! :o)


I gave a verbatim account of the developments to Amma over the phone coz I had to share my excitement with her. Arundhati once wished me that all good things will follow as we move to our new home.....I am sure God is hearing her words and says 'thathastu'!! Right now, I am happy and contented and thankful to God for showering his blessings on me.

A small gesture of gratitude....

I have been reading many blogs off late when I feel like taking a break. There were a lot of heart rendering posts about how each individual missed their parents in some way and unfortunately some of them lost their parents too. They all spoke about how they missed telling their dad/mom how much they loved him/her and this feeling of regret of having lost the opportunity to express their deep sense of love and gratitude.

Reading all these posts stirred in me the same feeling. I have not seen my parents for more than a year now, despite living in India for various reasons. My mom's birthday is on the 30th Aug and S and I decided to make a surprise visit to Chennai and of course, I will enjoy all my time with my family and I know for a fact that amma will be thrilled to bits and I cant wait to see the expression on her face. I am soooooo looking forward to it.

I talk to my Amma everyday and in all the excitement, I dont really talk to Appa much, unless we have something important to talk to each other about. Of course, it doesnt mean that I love him any less....it is just the way we are! It is Appa's birthday on the 18th September and even if I would love to extend my stay in chennai till then, my office would decide that I might stay there for as long as I want!!!! :D

So I finally came up with this brilliant idea ( So i think! lets see if Appa likes it!) of writing a letter to him about all my memories of him as a kid and what I feel about him and what an awesome dad he is to me. I finished the letter and showed S and he thinks its really touching and wishes we have kids who feel the same way about us! ( I think that's a good enough reaction!) . I have inserted some pictures of me and Appa in between and plan to make it little fancy and get creative. I improvise on it everyday. Once I am done, I plan to print it out on a photo paper and give it to him. I know appa and am sure he will cherish this more than any material gifts I can give him.

I feel damn good about it and I am happy I will not have regrets as far as my parents are concerned with this small little gesture! :-) Life is short and it is important to let your loved ones know how much you love them at every opportunity. As I see relationships fail all around me, I am very grateful to God for all the lovely people in my life and the unconditional love I receive. GOD BLESS!!

Myth Buster!

Disclaimer: All these myths and assumptions of mine are busted! They are applicable to ME and ME alone! Please do not relate to this post and make absurd comments in MY blog. Genuine comments with your own identity are welcome!

Myth: If you earn loads of money, you have a great career.
Fact: You have a great career, when you enjoy the work you do and look forward to go to work everyday. I earn reasonably good money, and most importantly, I look forward to go to work everyday now. REALLY.

Myth: Obsessing your mind with something you want or desire makes you really focused.
Fact: Obsessing gets you nowhere. It is important to enjoy every moment , for tomorrow you might get what you want /desire and start regretting those precious moments that are in the past now. Stop obsessing and things will fall into place.

Myth: I should behave in such a way that everyone likes me.
Fact: You cannot please EVERYONE and you live only once. If you make a genuine effort and if it still doesn’t work that way…..they don’t deserve it. PERIOD. Let them get over it and I can deal with it.

As life passes by, all my myths are gonna be busted…for good!!!

Positive Developments....

I am not really a dog-lover….as a kid, I was petrified of dogs. I remember we used to visit my mom’s best friend. She loves dogs and has a German shepherd that looks like a wolf. At every occasion we would visit them, aunty would lock up ‘shyama’ inside a room as I would start crying uncontrollably when she starts barking. Even now I remember how I would clamp up the minute we would reach aunty’s house and my heartbeat would start beating faster. Infact, once we had gone to her place and I was wearing a pretty pavadai (long skirt worn by kids in south India) and by chance, before aunty could lock up shyama ( which was heart wrenching for her….dogs are like their own kids for dog lovers, I realize NOW!). ‘Shyama’ in her enthusiasm on seeing a small kid and thinking I have come to play with her….came running to me….I was shit scared that I started running around the house and in the process my pavadai was shredded and torn as ‘shyama’ thought it was a big game. Amma tells me that I cried uncontrollably for a long time and she was more upset about my torn pavadai and shyama looking forlorn and looking sadly at aunty with a ‘what have I done now!’ expression.

Cut to the present,
I was engaged to S and till I visited his place I did not know that my in-laws have not one, two German Shepherds (Kaspar and Cookie)!!!! I remember every time Kaspar and Cookie would bark the minute I got up…..so for the entire day I was glued to the sofa and did not get up even when I wanted to pee. Apparently, S did not enlighten me about the dogs, lest I refuse to marry him in fear (for the dogs!). I was thinking to myself, how the hell am I going to move around the house, forget moving around….live with two dogs?!!! Despite the fact that we lived alone due to proximity to work, we would often visit or live with my in-laws over the weekend and I didn’t have a choice, but get used to it. Slowly and steadily I got used to being around them….and could ignore Kaspar when he came and sniffed around and I would close my eyes tightly when he licked me all over. At that time, I did not understand that was his way of expressing his love….after all, he cant talk?!!! Dumb me!!

By the time we were married, Cookie had to be given away as she did not really get along with Kasper and it was a big strain to take care of two dogs for my in-laws. I got used to Kasper and would still clamp up when I reached the doorstep and would wait for him to literally pounce on me and lick me all over for at least 5 minutes. He liked me so much that he would wait outside the bathroom when I was inside….and my MIL would complain that she is the one who feeds, cleans and takes care of him and I am the one who reaps the benefit!!!

Kasper died a few months ago and I realize that I do love him a lot and miss him. Every time I see a German shepherd, I am fondly reminded of my dear Kasper. I still remember when he would look at me, I could feel him emoting true feelings…like a true person!!! When he died I was alone in Pune with S traveling abroad and could not get over the fact that he is no more. For my in-laws, S and Shashi (S’s sister) he is like a kid and a sibling respectively. S was understandably very upset when he heard about Kasper and was unfortunately abroad at that time. Infact, he has written his first post about Kasper…

It is indeed a huge development from what I felt for dogs as a kid. My parents and aunty especially are so surprised about this development in me…..

Kasper, you are missed by all of us and most importantly, loved by all of us…to the extent that he is called Kasper Venkatraman!!!!

Relatively speaking....

As a school-going kid, I would look at my seniors longingly who had the privilege of wearing 'duppattas' and who could have long, well-manicured painted nails. I could'nt wait to grow up and wear colourful duppattas, paint my nails in different colours.....and wear lipsticks! How can I forget lipstick? I would think how lucky they were.....and I was so miserable that I am still a kid....Infact, when Amma would take me for a wedding, I would rant and rave that she should apply lipstick for me as well and refuse to eat at the wedding, lest the colour wears off!!!

Cut to the present, I postpone doing my nails and among everything else, promise myself that I will do it next weekend, for sure! That too, after I feel embarassed at my chipped nail paint and feel dirty at work!

As for duppattas, I hate to wear them as you have to go on adjusting them all day long....can be a pain when I am on the bike, with hundred things to carry....and to add a duppatta to it? So, I will always stitch stuff like a kurta with a chinese collar, so that I can just wear them with pants....no hassles!!!

Lipstick? The glamour still attracts me! :) ...and funnily, lots of people gift them to me in different colours....

Ok! I am off to do my nails....S is busy with his formula one and I have nothing to do....so I might as well get it done!!

I am a living example for 'appearances are deceptive' coz most people who look at me will think that I am a super confident ( arrogant as well?!) person and can speak my mind easily....well, to a certain extent I do and I am....but I do have my moments....

1. If my maid is doing a bad job(..and am being moderate here!) and i want to sack her? I will think about it a 100 times and rehearse how i would tell her, with S!! I will empathise with her situation and visualise what she will go through when I say this to her on a monday....maybe I should try and see if it works for some more time....REALLY....I do that! BTW, my maid still works for me....and I do the work MYSELF....

2. I find it extremely difficult to ask a friend to return the money they borrowed from me. Again, the rehearsing ritual goes on in my mind, over and over.....I am thinking what my friend will think about me... if I ask him/her MY money! yeah right! well, what to do? we are like this wonly!!

3. I am very generous with compliments with people...coz I know how lovely it feels to recieve compliments from ANYONE! But I will not just think twice, but ten times before I compliment a male colleague....coz I am perennially in danger of sending the wrong signals...who knows how someone interprets your words or actions!

4. The most comical situation is in a lift...if you have noticed most people will look down, close their eyes or look anywhere but at the other occupants in the lift...as for me? I am my giggly self ( I have no clue why I find it funny!) and smile at kids and chat with them, if they are women, definitely start a conversation and make friends....men? I prefer to ignore....by far I might smile and say a hi if I know them already!! ( for the same reasons!!)

5. If i go to a shop and look at clothes, I am shit scared to leave without buying something....No! not that I really liked something and i want to buy it....only coz the owner /attendant/ shop assistant spent so much time showing me the clothes and might be scolding me in his/her mind.....yeah! I am such a sucker!! Fear-stricken, I wont enter a shop if I dont know for sure am gonna pick something.....

I know all my fears are baseless and I simply have to just go ahead and say it or do it....but I can't...I find it DIFFICULT! Does anyone else have such quirky habits or uncertainities??

Life is extremely unpredictable....

My mom called me today to inform me that Hari passed away....I was shell shocked...he is a 23 yr old boy!! He was studying in London, and noone knew about his whereabouts...he had been dead in his room for 2 days!!! I still can't get over it.... his parents are close family friends and a close friend of my dad...and I remember going to their house as a kid....and Hari was this intellectual book-worm who would quietly read loads of books most of the times! I used to go for long walks with aunty, his mom!!! I can't imagine I am referring to him in the past!!

My heart goes out to him and aunty....what about his dreams? what was going through his mind at that point? Life is so unpredictable and so unfair....how will aunty cope with this?? ya ya...time is a good healer and stuff....well, I cant' express my feelings right now...I pray to God that he gives them the strength to bear this loss..and Hari, may your soul rest in peace...take care!

Every new beginning is accompanied by renewed vigor and excitement...I am excited.. :) I have got a job i have always wanted in a great company and feel really happy about it as well. Indeed, when God closes a window, another door opens....and I am confident that good things are in store for me! :) THANK YOU GOD for everything you have blessed me with...I am sure I deserve it!( he he...now you know for sure that its me! ) ;)

There is no looking back now.....

I have been Tagged! :)

I was tagged by Raaga. So here it is... 8 random facts about myself, will get as random as i can get! :)

1. I love the smell of babies.

2. I get all excited, get super crazy and make a fool of myself when I am really happy. Endearments from anyone ( of course, friends and people I know) makes me ecstatic, even if they don't mean it and say it.

3. I am not self-conscious in any sense and have narcissistic tendencies;)

4. My greatest strength - my family ( amma, appa and anna!) and of course, my darling husband! - Love all of them with all my heart ( I guess this is no big secret!)

5. I hate it when kids call their parents 'Mummy' and 'Daddy' instead of Amma and Appa.

6. I find fair guys effeminate and female chauvinism( if there is such a term!) exists...

7. I appear arrogant to a lot of people, and some of them are hesitant to talk to me the first time! I am very open and friendly, in reality....appearances can be deceptive!

8. I feel it is very important to know your native language, apart from english! I detest the habit of a few parents who do not encourage their kids to learn or speak their native language.

Now that I am done with it, its your turn!
Ritu - vivifies indeed
Vibuti - eternally in love!
Deepa - Interesting perspective!
Boo - A parent's selfless love!
Revathi - Profound thoughts
Satyajit - The love of my life!
Preethi - Writer's delight!
Chandrasekar - Big brother, I found you!

You have to play by the rules!

• Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
  
• People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
  
• At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
  
• If you fail to do this within eight hours, you will not reach Third Series or attain your most precious goals for at least two more lifetimes....nah! Just dont be a spoilsport!~

I was watching 'kaadal rojave' from the movie 'Roja' on T.V....and like how you see in movies.....FLASHBACK! :) I was reminded of my college days, how crazy I was over drop-dead gorgeous arvindswamy! I had a HUGE crush on him, the word 'crush' sounds so innocuous as compared to what I felt about him. Like many other girls, i was head over heels in love with him, or so i thought!

I would get up in the morning all bright-eyed and my folks would instantly know what i had dreamt about....I would have dreamt that i was married to arvindswamy! :D..and I would really be upbeat and chirpy all morning....with a dreamy smile on my face.....when he got married, i was so heart broken and cursed myself for not being older...yeah right!! I hated his wife even before I knew her....he would be my knight in shining armour who would rescue me from being sad or upset when I got scolded by my parents or if I had a bad day!!!.....

cut to the present.....I am married, not to arvindswamy, but someone much much better....who definitely brings a smile on my face!!! :) God bless....he has his own ways of showering his blessings on us, does'nt he?

Its a beautiful day....am enjoying working as well as looking out my window.....its inexplicably calming...Dark clouds, mann vaasanai, pleasant and cool air....life could'nt get any better :). when S gets back home, and we give each other a big bear hug, the smile on our faces.....and to see each other after a long day.....its lovely!! I can't thank god enough for S! I treasure him with all my heart. I don't believe in love at first sight. Love takes its time to grow and become stronger....

I have this annoying habit of thinking of something sad that happened in the past, when am really happy. ..as if i want to spoil my happiness - MYSELF! I don't let go easily. Today, right this moment, I give up that habit! I have always felt contented and blessed with all the lovely people and wonderful life I have....at this moment, I feel contentment.

Nowadays I have noticed that I enjoy my solitude. I don't mean to say I dont like to talk to people or to have people around me. Sometimes, it helps to be with yourself. It helps you clear your head and enjoy the moment....I shy away from making small talk with neighbours or friends when i walk down....I find it tiring to answer routine daily questions.... am I wierd?

Its a beautiful day!!! :) God, I feel like I can see you smiling down at me... and I smile back :) are you charmed? well, GOD, you have definitely charmed me with your blessings and love.

June 11th was my anniversary (4th already, time flies when you are having fun ;) )and as always, S and I went on a trip ( we had decided that we would take 2 breaks every year, and touchwood so far have been able to stick to it - one on our anniversary and one during december - year end) . This time, we went to Matheran, was an interesting experience...before I digress...let me come to the point before I forget it.

We travelled by the Mumbai - Pune Expressway ( its my first time!) and my god! I was amazed at the fantastic roads ....vennai madiri irundudu ( i.e...the roads were like butter.....sooo smooth)....I was pleasantly surprised...S and I were discussing how wonderful it would be if all the roads in India could be so well-maintained. So it shows that we are capable of it, except that we dont really bother to maintain all our roads like the Expressway.....Instead of gaping at the clean roads abroad, if we took little effort to remain clean and maintain civic sense....people would throng to India for other reasons than just Goa, Spices and snake charmers!!!! ( I know am exaggerating here, but there are still people who think that way!)

Coming to Matheran, its common knowledge that no vehicles are allowed inside as they would like to keep the place pollution-free. After a point, you have to walk up or take the toy train and enjoy the breathtaking moutains and its beautiful. They do not allow plastic bags so as not to pollute the environment. Despite clear instructions everywhere, there are people who throw plastic bags on the roads....it is really frustrating and sad to see such uncultured behaviour. I had written a post about patriotism and how India is a beautiful country. Now I feel like taking back my words.....I want to ask them, dont you feel proud when someone comes home and says you have a beautiful home? Don't you feel the same way about your country??

I am currently in a state of morbid fear about what is gonna happen...like there is a time bomb and I have to save myself or something! I feign indifference when friends or loved ones ask me what the problem is...but heart of hearts, I hate to admit that I am forever worried!

Nowadays, I have the most wierd dreams and I get up in the wrong side of the bed on most mornings! Life itself is wierd sometimes....am sorry about this woeful post but i need a vent...and am not comfortable talking about it to anyone either. Wish I had a magic wand or something, and I could brush away all the unwanted thoughts and things in my life. I guess that's why I like these 'ugly duckling turns swan' and 'rags to riches' movies.

I have my good moments too....i guess that is what keeps me going... it could be a thoughtful gesture from S or a long chat with amma or a kind word from a friend...or even to see the plants flowering in my teeny weeny garden! :) Life is one big puzzle...who knows what happiness lies hidden somewhere??!! I just need the patience, intelligence and positivity to wait for it to unravel itself....

2 U 2, my turn! ( 2006)

My world comes crashing down
But I see a small flicker of light
I take a peak into it
And I see you….

I am bursting with happiness
Overflowing laughter and fun
I look here, there and everywhere
To share, and I see you….

I am confused and kinda dazed
My world comes to a blur
Life seems meaningless
Until I see you….

The heart wants to be filled with love
Longs to be held in a loving embrace
Looks for a shoulder to cry
Until you see me….

For S and S only!!! :) Well, atleast I tried... and most importantly, he LOVED it! coming from someone who cant write poetry for nuts, he appreciated it...and that's all matters!! isnt it??

S wrote this for me....on my birthday in 2004!

If I tell you the truth,
Will you leave me alone?
Leave me alone watching the rain,
Thinking of all those precious moments.

If I tell you the truth
Will you still look at me?
Still look at me with
Those cucumber cool eyes.

If I tell you the truth
Will you frown?
Frown at me or
Show me those gorgeous dimples in a smile.

If I tell you the truth
Will you hold it against me?
Hold it against me,
Instead of holding me in your arms.

If I tell you the truth
Will you not give me another chance?
Not give me another chance or
Stay with me forever.

If I tell you the truth
Will you detest me?
Detest me deeply or
Still love me for it.

If I tell you the truth
Will it be asking for too much?
Asking for too much or
Just for all I want.

I’m telling you the truth …
I love you.

For J


I was thrilled to bits and absolutely on cloud nine for a long time......noone has ever written a poem about me..... :)....saving it for posterity...to show my kids how romantic and loving their DAD is! :D

I was sitting in the balcony reading a book, and generally looking at the kids playing down in the playarea. I stay in a big complex with lots of free space, parks and children's play area...

The kids of the labourers who work in the new construction block were playing in the swing and having good fun in the park....one of the kids was in tattered and dowdy clothes...she herself would be about 9 yrs...and she was taking care of a little toddler...the little baby was left on the grass, god knows....what insects were around...I thought....if it was a baby from our families, s/he would be pampered and cared for, with what not...diapers, clean clothes, wet wipes, baby cream, baby lotion, moisturiser...this and that! While, this baby was just left there while her sisters played in abandon...while their mother was away pruning the flowers and removing the weeds from the gardens...I felt sad at how unfair it was!

To add to it, the security was chasing away those kids from the play area and I thought to myself, how unfair this world is! Does the fact that those children were born to labourers deny those kids the simple pleasure of being kids? And just then, I realised those kids WERE having fun.... they kept playing 'running and catching' with the security guard and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves.....I smiled! :) Indeed, those kids were in old and torn clothes.... but their smiles were genuine and despite what i thought they were having fun!! I felt good...

Raining happiness...

The monsoon has started in Pune, and today the first rains started....Is there anyone who doesnt like rain?? Oh! the minute I smell rain (mann-vaasanai), it makes me so cheerful and happy, a kind of serenity, i cant explain enough how awesome I feel...I definitely love to or dream of enjoying the rain maybe with a loved one, cozy in the comforts of their home, with a good book, masala chai, add some bajji or pakoda to it!....ahh! heavenly!!! :)

During schooldays, I would get up all upset that its a monday morning, which means go to school...and it would rain....yippeeee.....bunk school!!!!! Inexplicable joy!! :D Then, when I grew up, I was not too happy about staying home and confined indoors on account of rain....when I was committed, I longed to spend time with S in the rain....even now, all I can think of , is to go home and sit together in our balcony, sip tea and chat! ( we could do that everyday or already do it everday, but the magic of rain brings such silly yet simple wants...romance!!)

Right now, am happy that I can listen to some good music ( am listening to Meharam...by Meenal Jain, mesmerising!!), blogging while am supposed to do some research and content! :D Tomorrow morning, I can wake up to rain and S will be there with me, enjoying it with me!! :) GOD BLESS....

Power of positive thinking!!

I read an interesting article about 'Positive thinking and Optimism' on TOI - sunday issue. I was mighty impressed with what miracles occur when you have happy thoughts and surround yourself with positive people. I was further convinced, when I heard Ritu give an account of her pregnancy. Apparently, when she was pregnant with her first baby, the baby was positioned in a reverse position, with legs going down, that leads to a 'breach baby' and can end up being a ceasarean.

She used to practice yoga regularly throughout her pregnancy and was clearly disappointed to hear that . So she told her guru that the doctor said that it could be complicated. Her guru asked her to continue with her yoga( doing sarvangasana) for another 15 days and guaranteed a normal delivery. Lo and behold! the baby changed its position and she had a normal delivery!!!! Wow!! I was amazed to hear that....its wonderful that she believed in her guru and did not deter or get disappointed.

I have decided to consciously think of happy events, surround myself with positive people and who knows, I might develop a halo! :D